Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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