I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
