I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You have to summon your inner elephant
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
