I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
