If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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