Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
