Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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