Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
