Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
