There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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