Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
