about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
