where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
