last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
it glows. i had to have it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
