i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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