dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
