hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
