I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
