I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
