On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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