I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
