seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
