yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
50% drunk capacity currently
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
