their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
