her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
