I got chris browned last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize