So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
