I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
