Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
