Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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