May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
