I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
