hotel room ftw
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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