Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
