sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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