We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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