He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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