Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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