So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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