u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
