Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
