Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
