i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He kissed a someone with a penis
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
