You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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