lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
