your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
