She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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