I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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