It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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