everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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