9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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