His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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