just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
