two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
