Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
