so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
