ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
