You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
