I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
