We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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