Nicole vs. Life
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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