so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
