Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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