im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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