So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
