We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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