ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
