i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
