In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
thus making me awesome and them whores
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Randomize
