Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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