dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize