Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
