its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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