Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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