I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
