Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize