If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
