I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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