please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
