tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
