bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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