omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
