I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Randomize
