She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
