Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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