no, he came in my armpit
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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