wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
