Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
