Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
