dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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