i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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