like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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