I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
