the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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