eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
