ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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