I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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