dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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