really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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