last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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