Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
